you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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