i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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