i jhust puked up my retainher.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
me + whiskey = a bad person
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
