Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
