I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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