how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
