Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
