Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
