i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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