So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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