if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
