I forgot how hot balto sounded
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
