I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
The ass gains better be worth it
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
