Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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