no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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