so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
