um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
