both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
