Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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