im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Too much gin, very little bucket
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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