Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
well you can't waste a boner
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
