So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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