I think my vagina is haunted
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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