I can't breathe out the right side of my face
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
