three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Girls should come with a carfax report
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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