My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
