Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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