On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
3pm strippers are depressing
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
