Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
is it fun? or sober?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
