I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
