my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
In America we eat man semen.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
