so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
