some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
