Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
