if only i could text you this smell
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
