it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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