Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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