Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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