What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
