We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
