I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
