I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
