i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
