I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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