I love black thongs
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
