I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
