What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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