just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
