So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
