STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
