dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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