dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
