i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
