Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
