Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
