U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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